Thank you!

Anything but that horrid white malamine would be fine in the end .

A coat of some type of cement-like texture would be great. Either coated with a poly afterwards or maybe just matte.
Possibly some kind of material that would take a tint before application - or could maybe be stained
lightly afterwards - maybe a deep tile-like blue.

At this point I'm so sick of looking at them that I'd be just as happy with grey as well. Do you think I can get away with sanding by hand?