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Subject: "Actual Announcements From Church (bloopers)"     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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joker (Guest)
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13-Nov-00, 01:12 AM (PST)
"Actual Announcements From Church (bloopers)"
   Actual Announcements From Church

1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

2. Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All
ladies giving milk, please come early.

3. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

4. Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little
Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see
the minister in his study.

5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Smith to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

6. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

7. On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the
expenses of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on
the new carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper at
the end of the service.

8. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

9. A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church
basement. Music will follow.

10. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Bleser, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Delser.

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20-Feb-01, 02:25 PM (PST)
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1. "...some more"
In response to message #0
Church Bulletin Bloopers

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight
at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear
Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER &
FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and
Prayer conference includes meals."

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'.
Bring your own hot dogs and guns.  Friends are welcome!
Everyone come for a fun time.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled
due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus"

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes
of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who
doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
Hell?"  Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person(s) you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M. - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon..

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
next Sunday morning.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

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